The End of Always
by abbyfillion22
Summary: What if Beckett never actually met Castle and it's all just a fantasy to fill the void left after her mom's death? A possible ending to the series. AU


_They crashed through the front door in a flurry of groping hands and frantic kisses. Castle was tearing at her dress, desperately trying to get it off of her as she did the same to his shirt. She kicked the door closed with her foot as he swept her long curls aside to attack her neck._

"_Castle," she breathed, trying to steer them towards the bedroom. The last thing they needed was for Martha to walk to find them naked on the floor… _again.

_Instead, he pushed her up against the door just like he had the first time they were together and briefly released her from his grasp to slide the deadbolt into place._

_Beckett draped her arms languidly around fiance's neck as he peppered kisses down her collarbone. Her body hummed excitedly and her hips moved forward to fill the small space between them. Her knees went weak as Castle smoothly unzipped her dress and slid the fabric off of her shoulders. He held her upright with a strong arm around her waist as his hand sneaked beneath her black lace bra._

_She lifted a leg and hooked it around his torso while Castle took off the rest of her clothes, the separate articles becoming undistinguishable from each other in a heap of black fabric at their feet._

_Suddenly Castle stopped, his grip loosening on her. He leaned back slightly so their eyes locked and the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled down at her. After all this time, he was still in awe of her, and she, of him._

"_I love you, Kate," he said._

"_I love you too," she replied._

"_Always."_

* * *

"Kate?"

She shook her head, the fog of the daydream diffusing in the harsh light of the office. "Sorry, what?"

Dr. Burke stared at her, worry in his expression. "What were you thinking about just now?"

Kate blushed and looked away from his scrutinizing gaze. "Nothing, just… thinking." She wasn't about to admit to Dr. Burke that she was having a wet daydream in his office.

Her therapist knew better. "You were fantasizing again, weren't you?" asked Burke, clicking his ballpoint pen and setting it down on his notepad. "What was it this time?"

She bit her lower lip and blushed as she said, "Him." She needed no other elaboration. Dr. Burke knew exactly who "he" was. That's one of the reasons she saw him so frequently. The fantasies had started a few years after her mom's death. They weren't just daydreams. They were more real than that.

Dr. Burke diagnosed them as "Post traumatic stress-induced hallucinations." It was the shock of her mother's murder that caused them. The medication he prescribed didn't help. If anything, the pills made her visions sharper. Slowly, the dreams became her reality, and the real world, the fantasy. Dr. Burke explained that it was her subconscious mind that was creating this alternate life to fill the void in her life.

"It's not healthy, Kate," Dr. Burke reminded her. "You have to fight it."

She tried not to roll her eyes. She had heard that phrase a million times before. "I know."

"Remember what's reality," he said.

Kate ran a hand through her short brunette hair and sighed. "It's hard," she said. "Because the dreams are so much better."

Dr. Burke tilted his head curiously. "Better than what, Kate?"

She looked around them. "This. Life."

Dr. Burke frowned. "But those fantasies aren't real."

"They are to me."

"You have to fight it."

"What if I don't want to?" she shot back. "What if I _want_ to live in that world? It's so much better there!"

Dr. Burke clicked his pen and began notating. "Why do you think it's better, Kate?"

She swallowed hard. "Because in that world… I'm a successful detective," she stated. "My life is fun and adventurous and… and Richard Castle is in love with me." That was the best part about her alternate universe. She was madly in love with her favorite author, Richard Castle. In her universe, she had become a detective after her mom died and she put hundreds of criminals behind bars. Her life was monotonous and empty until Richard Castle came along and changed the game. He was enthralled by her wit and beauty and made her the subject of his next few books. They fell in love as they solved cases together and eventually became engaged.

In her mind, Castle was her soulmate; handsome, charming, yet flawed in various ways that she found endearing. He brought her flowers and wine and cooked her dinner. When they kissed she saw fireworks. And every morning, he brought her a cup of coffee just so he could see a smile on her face.

Things were always complicated between them but that's what made the dreams feel so real to her. They faced danger after danger and hurdled obstacles in their relationship.

In this fantasy, she was tall and beautiful with long brown hair that every woman was secretly envious of. When she walked down the street, heads turned.

But in the real world, she had never met Castle and he had no idea that she existed. Sure, she had fangirled over him at a couple of his book signings, but that was the extent of their connection.

"Have you been taken your medication?" Dr. Burke asked.

"Yes," Kate sighed.

"We can try a different pill for these hallucinations-"

"Hallucinations," she laughed, "that makes me sound so crazy."

"You're not crazy, Kate."

"Aren't I?"

"I don't think so," said Burke. "But you need to realize what is real and what is not. I can tell that that line is becoming very faded lately."

She nodded. According to her doctor, the dreams were a coping mechanism, but she didn't know who she was outside of them. She was a lawyer with severe depression. She had no friends and hadn't gone on a date since 1999. Her father was gone; having drank himself to death when she was twenty. She was alone.

One could see why she would rather live in her alternate universe.

Kate left the Dr. Burke's office that day feeling worse than she had going in. She stepped out into the bright sunlight and finally, the tears began to fall. The people around her paid no mind to the crying woman in the middle of the sidewalk. It was New York, after all. No one cared.

With no energy left, she collapsed on the curb, her chin between her knees. She couldn't go on like this. She just couldn't. Her sadness came out in heaving sobs yet no one noticed, or they pretended not to.

"Excuse me," a male voice said behind her. "Are you okay?"

The voice was all too familiar. She turned her tear-streaked face and locked eyes with Richard Castle. And this time, she wasn't dreaming.


End file.
